WORDS: Co-founder and Dating Expert at Select Personal Introductions, Alex Mellor-Brook

For some single people, Valentine’s Day is the high point of misery and failure, but for others it’s a celebration of the self, and of genuine fun and connection. Our experience is largely within our control, but we often need a few pointers to get ourselves moving in the right direction.

Time to get smart 

There’s nothing worse than slopping around in your old trackies when everyone around you is glammed up and heading out for their Valentine’s Day dates. While you might not have anybody to dress up for, you’ve got you. Looking good helps us feel good, and while that might be as simple as putting on your best earrings to eat a TV dinner, or slapping on your favourite cologne before you head to the supermarket, it’s bound to lift your mood and increase your confidence. And who knows, if you’re out of the house and looking fab, you might just bump into someone you want to impress!

It’s all about connecting

Valentine’s Day can feel exclusive - just for couples - but really, it’s about honouring loving relationships and we all have some of those to celebrate. Why not start with ourselves? Indulging in something that makes us feel worthwhile is a way of recognising our own value - whether that’s a rock-climbing session, a spa day or a walk in the park with our best mate. And because we’re more likely to connect with others when we’re out in the world, doing something great for ourselves is also a step towards strengthening relationships - old and new - that make us feel good. Have a mates meet-up, get together with your folks, or drink hot chocolate with a beloved niece or nephew, you’ll soon find that heart-warming moment that makes the day special.

Make room for romance

Valentine’s Day might make you feel left out, but sometimes we’ve created a life that actually excludes the possibility of meeting somebody: a demanding job, caring for children as a single parent, or helping our parents as they age, can all become a lifestyle that shuts out romantic potential. So on Valentine’s Day, why not take a careful look at how you might spend more time in places where you could meet your next partner? Talking to a relationship or dating coach can help you see how you can make small changes that open you up to new possibilities.

Learning to accept 

It’s described as a day for love, but if you’re single it can be a day for accepting, and what you need to accept depends on where you are in your relationship journey. Some of us need to accept that we have to push through some discomfort if we want a new love in our lives and work a bit harder at finding first dates. Others need to accept that we’re too ‘perfectionist’ and it’s time to look more honestly at our ideal lover - perhaps a good enough new partner is already in the wings, but we’ve overlooked them because of our exacting standards. And some of us need to face the fact that we’ve become too used to our single status and it’s time to shake up our ideas and accept help to get back in the game.

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