New Starts with The Speakmans
Life Change Therapists Nik and Eva Speakman advise on how a new year can be a new start for us all
As we enter a new year, many of us see this as an opportunity for a new start allowing us to consider what we want, and how we can enhance ourselves and our life. New hobbies, new approaches, a new way of eating and behaving suddenly appear to be acceptable. Albeit the new year is a wonderful excuse to actually ask ourselves what we want, the truth is that with every new day we have the same right and power to design the day, the life and the future that we truly want and deserve. So perhaps your new year’s resolution should be to plan your life, not just annually but also day by day.
What Stops Us
As harsh as it may seem, the truth is if you do not plan your life, then invariably you will become a part of someone else’s plan, and therefore a new start has to come with an acceptance of responsibility for your life. Think about it, there is only one person that will be with you for 24 hours each day, and for the rest of your life and that is YOU. You, therefore, owe it to yourself to decide what you want, not just as a new year unfolds but also each new day and for the rest of your life.
“Selfish” we hear you cry, but on the contrary, albeit we are conditioned to put others first, have you ever considered that if you put yourself first so that you are happy, healthy and emotionally and physically strong that this will allow you to help more people. Just consider the plane analogy; if the cabin pressure drops, please put your oxygen mask on before helping others”.
Furthermore, your happiness will radiate on those around you. Moods are contagious, you can either spread happiness or misery. The choice is yours! Knowing that your mood can influence others, we would like you to consider that creating your happiness is a selfless act benefiting not just you, but also those around you.
A new start however for many can be daunting. We feel comfortable with the familiar, but staying with the familiar will always inhibit our growth. For those with low self-esteem, or a lack of confidence or a fear of failure or judgement, this could also clip our wings anchoring us in the same place, with the same people, same experiences, same feelings and same emotions whether good or bad.
The Benefits
Allowing yourself to consider what you want from your day, your life, and your future is the first step in building your self-worth and helps increase your confidence as you give yourself the unconscious message that you matter. Going to the gym will build you physically, whereas creating a life plan, goals and resolutions will start to build you emotionally creating or improving strength of character. Once you have a plan, you have something to aim for. Imagine for example a football match with no goal posts.
Players would be frantically running around, exhausting themselves and feeling frustrated as their effort had no purpose. Your life is no different. Knowing what you want gives you something to aim for, while allowing you to meet new people and to celebrate your achievements as you pass milestones along your journey all of which help to nourish and enhance your self-esteem and self-worth.
There is no greater project to work on than yourself, and a new start can be as simple as a new attitude or increased self-awareness.
How To Start
Your first step to your new start is to ask yourself what you want and without limitations. Put age, cost, experience or how to make it happen to one side as you create your list. How doesn’t matter, the first step is knowing what you want and why.
Consider;
What would I like to do?
What would I like to experience?
What would I enjoy?
What would I like to see?
Who would I like to meet?
Where would I like to visit?
If I woke up tomorrow and my life was perfect, what would it look like?
If I were 100 years old looking back on my life, what would I regret not having done, said, tried or experienced?
Once you have completed a list, just choose three things to start with, and then one tiny step that you would need to take to achieve that. For example, if you wanted to run a marathon your first step is to research how to apply. Use a diary not only to note and tick off the daily tasks you would like to complete but also to diary things in to keep you on track.
Ready, Steady, Go
To keep you focused, be sure to note down and read your goals regularly to keep you on track. Don’t try and sprint! Take your time. Don’t make your goals into monsters that seem too big and too frightening. Just like running a marathon from scratch can seem frightening, start by running to a lamp post, then two lamp posts, then a mile and so on. By breaking your goal into manageable steps, anything can be accomplished
Another great example is going on holiday, you don’t consider each mile of your road or flight, you consider the destination and the same goes in life. Don’t consider the journey, keep focused on your destination. Also, replicate the same approach as a Sat Nav. You input your destination, and whilst you may at times face a road closure or traffic jam, your sat nav doesn’t relent until it gets you to your destination and nor should you.
Do not lose sight of the fact that you are already proficient and experienced in dealing with new starts as you wake up to a new day each morning. Your new start is growth, new experiences and fabulous new adventures.
Nik and Eva’s new book Everyday Confidence: Boost your self-worth and build unshakeable confidence is out now
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